Tell Me Who You Hang Out With, and I’ll Tell You Who You Are

Some people come into our lives and leave such a strong impression that their words, their presence, and even their quirks stay with us long after they’ve gone. I had a grand aunt named Rebecca who was just that kind of person—memorable, wise, and very, very colorful. Trust me, if you met her, you would not forget my aunt Coca (as we referred to her) easily.

Aunt Rebecca had a saying that stuck with me: “The rub, honey, the rub!” And no, she wasn’t talking about barbecue spices. She meant the catch, the sticking point—the thing that makes all the difference. For her, “the rub” was about life choices. She believed deeply that the school you attended, the neighborhood you lived in, and—most importantly—the people you associated with would shape your destiny. To her, success wasn’t just about talent or luck; it was about proximity. Who you were around mattered.

My aunt was referring to the phrase we have all heard: “to rub shoulders with.” It implies connection, familiarity, closeness. To rub shoulders with someone means more than just meeting them—it means having the kind of access and influence that can affect how you see yourself and how others see you. That’s why people often seek opportunities to rub shoulders with the successful, the wise, the admired. But the truth is, the power of proximity goes both ways. Rub shoulders with the wrong crowd, and you’ll start to pick up habits and values that may not align with your purpose.

That brings me to the message we heard last Sunday—Paul’s advice to Timothy. It’s timeless spiritual wisdom from someone who knew the stakes of spiritual leadership. Paul warns Timothy: “Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly.” (2 Timothy 2:16)

Paul isn’t just telling Timothy to watch his words—he’s telling him to be careful about the circles he’s in, the conversations he entertains, and the people he allows to influence him. Why? Because what we listen to, what we laugh at, what we normalize—it all becomes a part of us. The company we keep can either lift us up or drag us down, particularly when it comes to spiritual matters.

I truly believe that life is often shaped not by the big decisions we make once, but by the small, daily choices of who we allow into our lives—who we “rub shoulders with.” So, let’s rub shoulders will the crowd that will inspire you, with the crowd that will call us to higher things.

So maybe the real question isn’t just the quintessential “Who are you?” but “Who are you becoming based on who you’re with?”

Let us choose wisely who we hang out with.  Let us also, choose wisely who we avoid! Let us surround ourselves with people who challenge us, who uplift us, who call us higher. Because in the end, we don’t just reflect the people around us—we become them. We can never become like the One who gave His life for us, but at least we can try as much as we can to reflect Him.